What makes us look for certain traits in the partners we are attracted to?
What kind of partners are we hoping to meet?
Many people tend to fall in love with traits that exist in one of their parents; most often women are looking for a man similar to their father, and men are looking for a woman similar to their mother.
Is it that simple?
Not al all. Dating is a complex business.
Usually, we do not want our partners to have traits we do not like in ourselves.
For example, if I don’t like that I am insecure, and I am on a date with an insecure woman – she will reflect my own self, reflect a part of me that I do not like, and I will probably want to avoid hanging out with her.
If there are traits in myself that I do not like, I will look to meet someone who does not have them or has the opposite traits.
Many of us feel extremely picky when dating. We search for traits we like in ourselves.
Many people we met in the past for dating purposes confuse us about what are we looking for in a partner.
In general, we can say that we look for a partner similar to our parents, except for the traits we do not like in ourselves.
Why do I look for someone who is like my mother?
Every person needs love to be happy. When we were growing up, we tried to get love from our parents. In order to receive love from our mother we needed to please her.
Receiving love from a partner who reminds us of our parents makes us feel right, feel a familiar feeling.
Another reason for this is a bit simpler. Our mom or dad are what we got used to loving, and as I mentioned earlier – we love people who express traits we love near us.
There are many other reasons for which kind of partner we are looking for, such as deficiencies in our lives.
If I am an insecure woman, feeling weak and small in the world, I will look for someone who can give me security.
If I feel that no one is giving me attention, I will probably look to meet an attentive person.
Dating has many sides, and every person brings their own complexity