Dating apps and sites are a tremendous invention. You look at profiles, find someone you like, and start a conversation. In theory, with some luck you can expect a new, passionate and romantic partner that will lead to a successful relationship.
In reality, these sites are like playing a game at a fair where you shoot at a row of ducks, but no one can ever score. Whether it’s intentional or not, this is frustrating and unless you’re a great shot, you’ll usually go home empty-handed.
Steve, an experienced man who has been on more than 45 dates, used dating sites for almost 5 years. He talks about how frustrating it can be: “I made countless mistakes, put stupid profile pictures, and sent even stupid messages. I had things that seemed out of pocket, unfulfilled.
This experience, however, allowed me to understand what I want to share as well as some tricks. The following tips are for both men and women, helpful for avoiding some potential failures.”
1. It all depends on your profile picture
Many dating apps and articles try to convince you that what you write in your first post is the most important thing on the road to relationships, which is true on some level. Sure, what you write in the opening message and profile will dictate a lot of your success on dating sites, but the most important factor is how others will respond to your profile picture.
It’s the first thing they see! While the content of the welcome message will determine if someone will sign in to your profile, it is the small profile picture that will determine if they ever open your welcome message. This is not a universal law; take women for example – the more messages they get each day, the more selective they will be.
Have you ever deleted a message you received based solely on the other persons profile picture? I think everyone has done this at some point, so imagine how often you would if you were getting dozens of messages a day, versus one or two a week.
The most attractive women do not open all their messages because they do not have the patience or time to go over everything. You have to assume that seeing a snapshot of your profile picture is all your future spouse will first judge you upon.
It will determine whether to open your message or not, so if your profile picture is not the best image you have, you are doing yourself a disservice. Avoid shirtless pictures, or overly formal pictures – what works best is an image that shows you being calm, fun and social.
2. The key to writing an interesting profile on dating sites
It doesn’t matter what you write, as long as you broadcast honesty and vulnerability. The best way to convey honesty is to use the same words you would use if you were talking, without trying to sound impressive or be more than you are.
Vulnerability is a sense of openness without a fear of rejection.
Are you a nerdy chess players? Are you passionate about computer programming? Do you have a like to collect stamps? Don’t be afraid to tell people who you are and what you like to do.
Truly attractive people feel comfortable with themselves and have enough confidence to reveal their thoughts and feelings, without having to worry about what anyone else is thinking. Ask your best friends or someone you trust to read your profile and see if what you’ve written on the dating site honestly matches your personality.
3. The first post is very important
Once you’ve written your profile on the dating app or dating site and added some flattering photos, you’re now ready to send your first message. How?
First of all, don’t just blindly send messages. It’s a good idea to tailor the message to your goals and the person you are. It is not advisable to give a beautiful woman a physical compliment, as it will not affect her very much. Also, it is not worth your time to tease a woman, because there are people that may be hurt.
It is not advisable to be too flirty if you are not looking for a relationship. Instead, you should give a compliment and show interest in something the girl has written on her profile. Common sense goes a long way here:
Read the person’s profile and try to find something that most people might miss. Have you seen and loved the same movie, have you both been to a country you love, have you studied or have knowledge in the same field? Use the information or vibe you get from reading their profile and follow your instincts.
Research has shown that the best time to send messages on dating sites is Saturday afternoon because when most people have free time they go online and look for a girlfriend.