What’s the best profile picture to draw potential partners; how many times should you DM someone before giving up on her; and how to conduct that chat that would move things forward?
We update our profile picture often, try to be witty, jump excitedly with any message alert, and hope for deep virtual overnight chats. Dating apps and Facebook are necessary tools to search for partners and also promote oneself.
So what should you do when trying to pick up someone on Facebook or a dating app?
1. Before contacting someone, it’s best to do some research
Enter her profile and try to work out whether she has a boyfriend, what she does in her life, where she hangs out, is she a carnivore or a devout vegan? This will save you unnecessary embarrassments.
2. Avoid that trend of taking your picture hanging out at a club or a bar with a pretty girl you don’t know
Whoever is going to see that photo will realize quite quickly that that girl hardly knows you.
3. Document the fun things you do
Images of parachuting, trips to exotic places, attending demonstrations or any other unusual activity will show them how exciting your life is.
4. Before contacting anyone, make sure you have a decent profile.
Your profile should show that you’re a fun ,self-assured, and cool guy with lots of friends, and that it’s worth sharing your world (assuming of course that all this is true). All this starts with a good, clear profile picture. Even if you feel like showing off your six pack abs, don’t shoot a shirtless picture – it mostly seems a desperate attempt to impress. If you want to show your abs, have your picture taken with friends on the beach. As a rule, it’s good to have pictures of you at the center of things among friends – they serve your image as the guy it’s fun to be with.
5. If you contacted someone three times and she filtered you from her inbox – please let off
Even if she had forgotten your first contact attempts, if she finds out you tried three times and are still trying, you’d loose her respect.
6. Make sure you have common friends
Did she responded to a friend’s status? Great, now start communicating with her there, then move on to a private chat. Does someone seem interesting, but you can’t find any response from her to your friends? Search for a picture she’s tagged in with any of your friends and start talking there. If this doesn’t attract her attention, ask who’s that pretty girl tagged in the picture. Obviously, don’t do this for ten pictures simultaneously – just the one.
7. You couldn’t find a response or picture from her? Send a friends request
If your profile is well designed and is enticing, there’s a chance she’d approve you and respond to your message. That’s the time for the big numbers rule – send friends request to 10 women. Some would approve; some may even start chatting with you. If you only know them from their images, it doesn’t really matter who approved you and who didn’t. Once she’d approved you as a friend, you can send a “hi” or “how’s things?”. Normally, this works once you’ve been approved. She didn’t approve you? Move on, don’t waste your time or hers.
8. Beware of “killing” potential chats.
Private replies in the style of “nice”, “cool” or “great” are “chat killers”. If you’re into a girl and have started chatting to her, try asking: “Had something like that also happened to you?” or: “It’s your turn now, tell me of something similar that had happened to you.” In order for a chat to be alive, it’s important to say things about your joint topic of interest.
Here’s what a failed chat in Facebook looks like:
Her: “I’m starting law school this year.”
Him: “Amazing. “What’s next?”
Her: I think I’ll practice law.
Here’s the same chat, only this time it’s interesting:
Her: “I’m starting law school this year.”
Him: “You’d like to become a lawyer, a judge, or just to guarantee that your future husband doesn’t leave you because you’re a lawyer and make him loose all his assets?”
Her: “All of the above.”
Him: “That’s a problem, in that case will I have to sign a prenuptial agreement with you?”
Her: “I’ll turn your head and you wouldn’t sign.”
Instead of moving in the direction of “I want to impress her,” take the route to “I want us to have fun talking to each other.”
9. And if the chat gets stuck? Do something surprising, but use tact
For example, “do you drink beer? Good. Get ready, in about an hour I go out with friends in your area, please join us.” Even if she says “no” – reasonable to expect at these circumstances – you can reschedule, or at least find out where you stand with her.
10. Be yourself
The best rule in dating apps and dating websites is to be yourself. It’s true, mystery breeds curiosity; a sense of humor is crucial; it’s good to bring interesting content to the virtual chat but project seriousness – not sluggishness; it’s good to select the right pictures; and to “dance” with what the other side brings to the chat – not sound stressed or desperate.
But what really matters is to avoid a situation where dating apps and sites become “fakebook” – meaning, be real in such dates, in every respect: About our age, occupation, hobbies and looks. When we are who we are, even in virtual space, the other party feels us and in most cases would be happy to meet us.