Do you manage to get phone numbers from women easily?
You start talking to someone, the conversation flows and the moment arrives when you need to ask for her phone number… How do you ask for the number? What do you say to her?
Most men have a hard time at this point. I want to show you an example of a problem that Steve had right at this time, as well as how we solved it.
John, one of the students in the course, contacted me and explained that he had difficulty getting phone numbers from women. When he would approach a woman and talk to her to ask for the number, in most cases he would encounter rejections and refusals. When we investigated his case, we discovered two things:
1. John would ask for her phone number after a very short conversation of about a minute. Asking at this time is too soon for the woman to feel comfortable enough to give him her number.
2. When the woman would refuse to give him her phone after the short talk, he would give up and not try again. Even if he continued to talk to her, he would not have asked for the number again.
After we saw these two things and the way he talked to the woman, the cause of his problem became clear, and I had to explain how to solve it correctly. Here is a summary of the conversation we had:
Me: “John, if a girl in the mall approached you, talked to you for a minute or two, and asked for a phone number, how would you respond?”
John: “I think that would have seemed strange to me. Why would anyone suddenly want my phone number after a minute and out of nowhere? She does not know me and I do not believe in love at first sight. It seems suspicious to me. Maybe she’s asking me on a dare from her girlfriends or maybe she’s a creep…”
Me: “This is exactly how many of the girls you ask for a phone number feel after two minutes of conversation. It’s suspicious! Especially if she sees no unequivocal reason as to why you want her number. To her, you will look like a weird phone number collector or god forbid like a pervert. You didn’t even get to know her!”
John: “So I have to give her a reason as to why I’m asking for her phone number?”
Me: “Certainly. Although it seems to you that why you are asking for her number is obvious, it is not like that. Your intentions are hidden from her eyes, because you’re still a stranger to her at this point.
More than that, you need to make her want to give you her number. Make her realize that you really got to know her and are interested in her. For everything to go smoothly, a “two-way click” needs to be created. That means she needs to both be interested in you and understand that you are interested in her.
Once the two-way click is created in her head that would be a good time to exchange phone numbers so that you can both talk and meet later.
One more important thing:
The girl should feel it is safe giving you her phone number. That you will really call her, you are not “playing” with her, and you are not some troublemaker. She needs to know that your interest in her and her phone number is genuine and that you are asking for it because you want to call her.“
I explained to John that sometimes the girl would like to give you her phone number, but she is unsure of your motives. She will try to find them out by putting obstacles in your way to check the sincerity of your intentions and understand what you want from her.
Usually this happens automatically and not intentionally.
To confirm the man’s sincerity and how important her number really is to him, she will refuse to give her number the first or second time he asks. She will hold back to try and get more and more signs that he doesn’t just go…for a lot of women. If the man leaves with his tail between his legs on the first refusal (even though she keeps talking to him and shows that it just wasn’t the time), he probably didn’t really want to the number and she wasn’t that important to him.
But if the man continues to talk to her, and gives her a sense of security in conversation with him, when he asks for the number again in a few moments she will understand that he is serious and actually wants the number.
Longer conversation and deeper acquaintance create a sense of trust between people.
John asked me which sentence I recommend for him to use when asking for a phone number, because he feels like sometimes the sentences he uses her to ask for a number destroy the atmosphere of the conversation.
I explained to him that the request should be a natural continuation of their conversation, and in each instance it can be a slightly different sentence. However, if you still cannot find a suitable sentence to ask for her number, use the following sentence which will be good for most cases:
“Write down your number, and we’ll keep in touch.”
After we went through some simulations of such calls with John and he practiced creating comfort and credibility, John understood how to manage the conversation before asking for a number. This ensured that the girl would really want to give him her number.
Two weeks have passed since then and John said he received 6 phone numbers in only two days, and has already gone on four dates with girls who gave him their numbers during a casual acquaintance in the city.